I spent the weekend showing the little tumbledown house that I hope to turn into a studio to friends and people with experience in renovation and restoration. Seeing people walk through the overgrown field and into the wonky house was unsettling and a little sad. It is almost like that dreamy place I have admired from a distance has only existed in my head for the past 18 years. Suddenly, with other people there, all I could see were the flaws. To be honest, I feel the same way when people come to my home. Ha! I am just funny about opening up my spaces to other people. I am painfully private. This situation is different than inviting people over for dinner though. I need help restoring this little house and meadow. It’s going to be a big job so I have flung my gate wide open. What other people think matters.
All weekend I was trying to convince naysayers of the charms of this little forgotten cottage. I was bothered when anyone said negative things about it. On the other hand, when friends were cheering me on, doubts started to creep in. This morning I woke up determined to put naysayers in their place and went up to the little cottage, MY little cottage alone, hoping to make some progress taking down the old wall board so the boards behind can be inspected for rot or termites and then replaced. I decided to start with the ceiling so I put on my respirator, climbed up my ladder, pulled out my hammer and pry bar and enthusiastically began to knock down the sagging ceiling — only to find a second ceiling supported by boards that have been haphazardly nailed up to support it. There were a ton of boards. I was afraid to start pulling them down while up there on my own, so I stopped what I was doing before I really got started. It was a perfect and very disappointing metaphor. Sigh.
I realized today that I cannot do the necessary demolition required to rebuild on my own and I don’t know who to hire to help me. It has to be someone who can see that dreamy house in their imaginations too and not someone I am constantly trying to convince or begging to save it. I am not sure there is a builder out there who can look at this house in that way and if there is, I probably can’t afford them. Today, and I knew there would be days like this, I want to raze the house. We will see how I feel tomorrow.
My next post probably won’t be about my future studio. I need to percolate…
Don’t believe the naysayers, don’t lose hope!
You CAN do this!
I’m not giving up! I’ve got a plan B and a plan C in the works! Something will be built or rebuilt up there. I’ve just got to explore my options and do my homework and figure out which plan to go with. It’s exciting and frustrating all at the same time, as I knew it would be. I’ve just got to figure out which plan is the right one. My adventure is just beginning!