Patience and Progress

I’ve been working so hard that by the time I come an at night, I’m too pooped to write anything about what’s going on with the studio plans. I just jot down progress notes in my journal and stuff receipts in an envelope. I am usually a morning writer but lately I’ve been too eager to get up and out of the house so I can get to work that I’m not doing a lot of sitting and writing. Progress is slow— painfully slow and boring. I’m antsy and cranky most days. I had a few really bad days last week when I wanted to just tear the house down, for reasons I won’t get into now, but I hit pause and allowed myself a few days up there just sitting in the sun with my watercolors while listening to music or exploring in the woods. I’m not a very patient person. It took me so long to get this studio-to-be and I’m desperate to get it all sorted so I can set up my studio and get to work making art again but there is still a lot of planning to do before building can begin. Even with all of the delays and cranky days, I will admit that it feels so good to finally be up there puttering around my little cottage studio. It feels so good to finally be doing the work I’ve been dreaming of doing for the past year—albeit slowly.
It’s funny, I keep catching myself standing at the edge of the property looking out across the meadow or looking at the studio buildings from a distance like I’ve done for almost 20 years — before it was mine. It’s like there is an invisible barrier keeping me away from the new place. I have to remind myself every day that it’s really mine and push myself to step over that line. Luckily my little pitbull drags me over that line every morning. I expect, eventually, I’ll stop pausing at the edge on my own and I’ll finally start believing I belong up there. The more work I do up there, the more it is starting to feel like my place. There are just a lot of ghosts I’ve had to shake my broom at these past couple of weeks. I even bought a new broom— and a new rake— and a new saw… I mean business!
The meadow has been cleared of the little pines. I paid a friend with proper tools to come cut them down. I was eager to get the meadow cleared by spring so the grasses and flowers under them might have a fighting chance to return. Even though the trees have mostly all been cut, I’m still working on the clearing. There is still a ton of privet growing around the house and I need to cut down some Bradford pears that have started blooming this past week. Ugh. Still so much work to do around the buildings just so we can get to them!
When work finally begins on the studio, whether I decide to demolish or rebuild, the old flower beds will definitely be destroyed so I spent a morning recently digging up all of the daffodil and iris bulbs that had all washed into corners of the beds. Daffodils are popping up behind the garage and in the woods too but I left those. I only gathered all the ones that I was afraid would get lost during construction. I must have gathered 100+ bulbs. I need to clean the privet and fallen oak branches from the part of the yard where I plan to transplant them. I want to put them all along the little moss covered stone wall near the little grotto— that is also in need of some attention. The rocks are in need of some new cement in places and I need to repair the step behind it. I’ve been gathering rocks as I find them while cleaning up around the house and piling them by the grotto. It seems too soon to do that work— but I’ll be ready when the time comes. I’m at the mercy of other people’s schedules right now as I sort out what sort of construction is going to have to be done around here and by whom. And, of course the weather always complicates plans. Whenever I and feeling really impatient and get cranky because things aren’t happening quickly enough, I go out and pull up some privet or rake some of the leaves from around the house or gather rocks and broken window glass for future projects. There’s always something to do. I’m trying really, really hard to be patient. Sigh.

I’m trying to post here using my phone. It’s not as easy as popping on Instagram. I can’t get the hang of things here but I’m trying. I think the spacing and breaks may be a little out of whack. Sorry if things are sloppy. Bear with me. I’ll figure out how to blog again, eventually.

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